I have returned to the Hogo after a very busy off-season of working with Drew Brees to improve his throwing motion (just wait till you see him this year), quelling a Neo-Comm uprising in Southeast Buchanan County, saving numerous babies from burning buildings, making repairs to the international space station, freeing dolphins from tuna nets, busting meth labs in Johnson County, fighting and trying to capture the Plasterco Monster, (failed in the capture part), helping little old ladies across streets and just in general, preserving peace, truth, justice and the American way. I say, TGIFS! Football season at last! Now I can take a break from the "superhero" stuff and make some real bucks writing and making picks for HogoOnline! With that first huge check from the Admin, I plan to get the Gridironmobile out of reposession! The superhero stuff makes you feel great, but it don't pay the bills...
It's good to see that the UT guy is back - you know, the one that doesn't make you laugh but seems to get just about every pick right? Too bad that his college team is going to absolutely suck wind this year. But, when your coaching turn-over combined with felony arrests reach double digits, not many good things are going to happen.
The Captain has also been following the Dark Lord Garth's "trip through the Hogo." Very entertaining, however, Americans, remember that he is ruled by the dark side - yes, you know what I'm talking about - Walmart. He even references it in his final installment, the one on George Wythe. Aren't you curious as to why there are so many Star Wars toys out now in Walmart? Heck, there hasn't been a decent Star Wars movie in 28 years or so. So, please take his predictions with a grain of salt and don't buy into the subliminal mind control. Remember, the dark side is very strong...v e r y p o w e r f u l . . . v e r y. . . UHHHHHHM? Where was I?
WEEK 1
GAME OF THE WEEK - Marion at Chilhowie: This is the back yard brawl. These schools hate each other. Jet fuel was thrown onto the fire over the summer when Bret Johnson, Marion's leading rusher last year, transferred to the Warrior camp. Oh my. This could get ugly. Johnson will not be the only star for the Warriors' offense, they also have Aaron Conley, the Sturgill boys and a huge offensive line. The Hogo coaches picked Chilhowie to win the Hogo this year, finally, FINALLY, unseating GW. While that may not happen, now or ever, the Warriors will be TOO strong for Marion. Look for an ugly contest. Look for the entire Smyth County Sheriff's Department to be on hand. Look for the Sheriff's Department Auxillary Officers to be on hand. Look for Captain Gridiron, cape billowing in the wind, hoving over the field, with a flying light on each butt-cheek, there, just to keep the peace. Also, look for the Warriors to win. Chilhowie 27, Marion 14.
Bland at PH: What is going on in Emory? They have perhaps the best QB in the Hogo returning in Jonathan Whitesides. ALWAYS have beef on the line. It seems that everyone is questioning the problem there. Is it coaching? Is it attitude? Is it the little league program? Is it the Dark Lord Garth casting dark-side jinxes on the Rebels? No one seems to have a good answer, although my money is on Garth and some Walmart conspiracy against the Glade Spring truck-stops. However, PH has not been competitive for a while. This year, thus far at least, appears no different. Bland was in a major rebuilding mode last year after having several successful years. The Rebs had a couple of late scores last year to make a close game not look so close. In view of the 35-0 pasteing that the Rebs took from a Bret Johnson-less Marion last week, Captain has to say: Bland 20, PH 13.
The Fort at RR: RR is everyone's darkhorse this year. And why not? Great tradition. Good QB in Zayne Williams. Got a more experienced, probably bigger and stronger Tyler Caudill in the backfield. Had a very good defense last year in a losing but playoff bound season. Gonna make a LOT of noise this year. The Fort lost it's bread and butter from last year. Still will return a huge line. Still will be competitive in the Mountain Empire. But don't have enough for the rejuvenated Indians. RR 30, Fort 12.
Northwood at Galax: Last year, Galax looked great in 7-7 and on paper. They absolutely sucked on the field. They were even beaten by, well, Northwood. Northwood has shed the single wing and entered the 1970s at last with the I formation. Northwood is young and will not dress out more than 25 or so. However, the report from the St. Paul jamboree that NW attended was that their starters looked pretty good. They played with intensity. In fact, most reports were that they looked quite a bit better than Holston at the same jamboree, playing one of the same teams. This could be the year for the Panthers to climb out of the cellar. If so, restoration to glory days is not too far away due to the youth of this team. The Captain spent a great deal of time in Saltville fighting the Plasterco Monster (mostly underground in abandoned salt mines - where the hideous monster dwells) and can tell that the fans are rallying behind this team. HOWEVER, this is not the week. Galax has a new coaching staff and a new philosophy. They took Carroll County to the wire and reports were that they outplayed the far bigger school. Gotta say, keep your heads up Panthers, better days will come, but Galax 24, NW 14.
St. Paul at Holston: Times are different in D-Town these days. The two-time defending Region C (D-1) champion, and three-time defending Cumberland District champion has been devistated by graduation and has already conceded the Cumberland District title by being dominated in a scrimmage by Coeburn and losing in a half to Ervinton. Who? Didn't know that there were at least 11 guys still going to school at Ervinton, but I guess so. Tonight's Cumberland foe, St. Paul, was young, but pretty tough last year. They defeated Appalachia and Coeburn in the same jamboree where Holston lost to Ervinton. St. Paul is probably the Cumberland District favorite this year. On paper, this looks to be St. Paul's game. NOT SO FAST, MY FRIEND! Although the Cavs lost much of their offense, they didn't lose everything. Have Dillon DeArmond, John Dalia, Tyler Harris and Luke Wampler - all guys to contend with. More importantly, have Jason Matlock still on the sidelines. Here's betting he hasn't shown all the aces up his sleeve in the scrimmages. Holston 20, St. Paul 16.
Tazewell at George Wythe: Look for Brandon Atwell to follow Drew Lester's lead blocking for four scores! Wait... They're gone. That's okay, just plug someone else in. Those guys will be missed, but this will be a strong team. Played well in Bristol after getting delayed in race traffic on the way to the game. Rumor has it that they "recruited" Kyle Busch and Jimmy Johnson on the way to the jamboree, however, once they got on the field, Coach Ingo determined that those guys weren't athletic enough to play on this team so they just carried the water. Tazewell is an unusual program. It is up, it is down. For a school that size, there should be a little consistency. This is a down year for the bulldogs. Heard that Ingo offered to trade the Tazewell coach Busch and Johnson for a 1991 Riddell Helmet Repair Kit. Even if the trade goes through, this one won't be close. GW 35, Tazewell 7.
Until next week, Americans, be safe. Captain out.
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